Pater Familias … because I'm your FATHER!

Against Conflict Resolution

March 17, 2010 · Behavior | Help Pater | Influences | School | Suburban Survival

Do problems between kids really need to be worked out?

Father Teaches Wisdom About Relationships With Words From Drinking Song

Maybe this is a mama thing.

First time one of them leaned on me to get our girls together so they could work things out, was way back in preschool. Girl Child was three.

For a while that year, another girl – daughter of the aforementioned mama – ran a psych warfare op against GC. Kid would whisper things like, “You’re going to die,” or do other things to unhinge GC, apparently with visible effect. Minerva and I had no idea until teachers brought it up. The director of the school, no less, got involved.  

Looking back, I see the mama might really have been worried about her parenting cred, also her girl’s future at the school. In recent memory a wack-job boy nailed another kid with a block, drew blood, and got his little low-impulse-control butt thrown out.   

Anyway, one day the woman said to me that she was aware of a problem and we should get the girls together for a playdate at her house, so they could work on it. Sure, I said, thinking, No way, lady. Work on what? Are they married? Do you want to try couple counseling?

Turned out nobody needed to do anything. The other girl recovered from her demonic possession. Great kid, actually. A year after that, we did a 2,800-mile relo. 

This all comes to mind because last week one of my favorite mama pals said a three-girl play date – nuts in any circumstances, if you ask me – might be a good idea to smooth things out between Girl Child and another Alpha Girl and this mama’s truly sweet child, over whom the other two were doing she’s-my-friend-not-yours during recess at school. My friend’s kid, very understandably, hated it.  (Read more about this in Pater's post before last).

This time I pretty much spoke my mind, telling my friend to feel free to get the girls together, but I don’t see the need, or the point, or much care.

I don’t. Sure, if trouble escalates to the point that it really hurts somebody and/or disrupts at school, I sit up and notice. Even then, though, Teacher’s the pro and she'll say if we should jump in.

Earlier this school year, I played Girl Child a great old boozer cowboy song, Rye Whiskey by Tex Ritter (sample and buy, lyrics). and made sure she learned this line…

And them that don't like me, can leave me alone

That and the unsung reverse – Them that I don't like, I'll leave alone– are about 95 percent of what I want my girl to know about relationships. Not everybody likes everybody, and they don't need to try.

Not so sure about the lesson, but the song really caught on. Girl Child knows a lot of Rye Whiskey by heart and wants to sing it at a talent show.

Am I wrong here? Is it a mama thing? Should I make my kid get together with others, to work things out?

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