Loneliest Number Is Three
January 26, 2010 · Activities | Behavior | Help Pater
Why must triple-kid playdates end in tears?
Hold Line At One Friend Over At A Time
Can’t blame my one and only for saying “Yes” when Girl Child’s friend from up the block calls and asks if it’s okay to come over. Minerva spends less time with the Wrenmead Street pup she-wolves, and by reflex we welcome play dates.
Today, however, GC’s friend from across the street, like her a six-year-old, just showed up. The girls want to watch part of The Chronicles Of Narnia before dinnertime.
And now lookit how sweet. The girls scootch together like fuzzy ducklings on the couch, all nestled in blankets and happy and calm. And, do not let us forget, low maintenance. Daddy likes.
Comes the call from Girl Three, and we got us a train wreck. Strife and fussing and maybe parental intervention and peacekeeping.
Does this mean the inbound girl makes trouble? No, she’s terrific, as is the girl already here. Girl Child considers both her best friends (a non-exlusive status), and I have fondness for both and count them as VIP Platinum Play Dates.
Talking two here and only two. And there’s no such thing as two plus one, man, it’s two against. Somebody feels left out and hurt.
Too often – in Minerva’s and my book – our GC becomes the aggrieved party. She's also something of a fuss diva, who we’re pretty sure actually enjoys her tragedies and tears. And, as an only kid, she has trouble with sharing attention and interkid psychological combat.
Stuff we need to work on, for sure, but off subject. Three girls are just a pain.
It begins. After Number Three shows up the girls revisit the choice of movie, vote repeatedly and fail to agree. Then once, twice, three times GC comes to her mother or me and airs hurts, imagined and also real. Little witches love to raise invisible welts. Whatever, it’s on GC to cowboy up and go downstairs and work the damn thing out.
No full-on screeching and crying this time, but still so annoying, so unnecessary.
The original play date’s mama rings the bell.
“They were great,” I say. She knows I’m lying.
Truth, it would have been great. Should have been.
Next time Minerva will say “No” to Number Three. Do not doubt it for a minute, because she says so. Not so easy, I know, because I’m new to “No” myself. On the other hand, look how “Yes” just screwed up the afternoon.
Help. Pater has multiple Qs: Is the three-girl play date impossible? Is there a solution? Must we avoid it? Is this just a girl thing? Are girls really nastier, only in nicer ways, than boys?
Pater’s Plays
Father and Son by Cat Stevens
Title males fail to communicate in mini-drama sung, both parts, by Stevens circa 1970, in musical prime and not yet renamed Son of Allah. Get into driving acoustic, vocal range, emotion, and forgive spoiled youth whining at father, “I have to go.” Go already. Of course, Dad will have to pay for the trip.
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Pater’s Picks
BAD KITTY Books by Nick Bruel
Bruel's brill books starring psycho cat has our seriously reluctant reader second-grader poring over the pages for half-hour stretches, even more, without threats…
October 15, 2010 | Permanent Link
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Comments
jouez a trois?
Possible, but MUST be more structured. Beforehand ask GC what she wants to do for the day, and let her know she needs to stick to it. Have the tools ready to go and as long as there is stuff to put their hands on, (projects, not free play, til a few tries later) things should go smoothly.
Comment #1, posted by Purple Anjel on January 30, 2010 at 01:25:11 AM
Hey Pater,
Try 4! In my world, the secret is even numbers. With 3, one is left out. With 4, there are 2 pairs.
Cheers,
Robert
Comment #2, posted by Robert on February 5, 2010 at 01:21:20 PM
I happen to be a young female adult. I have two best friends and we all spend time together frequently. There are however times when the two of them will do things without me and even though I’m available they don’t include me. As a slightly emotional person it really does hurt my feelings and is hard to accept that since they have been friends for 10 years and I’m the newbie, which is used lightly as i have been friends with both of them for 3 years. Regardless of the situation it’s never right to exclude a friend from whatever you are doing and then insist that she listen to the great time you had.
Conclusion even well into adulthood the need for one on one interaction is something that persists with girls. As for suggestions I would definitely agree with Robert and try 4.
Example last summer this same threesome of friends became a foursome as another friend was home for the summer. Once she was home I no longer felt left out. This is because if the other two did decide to go somewhere together i still had someone around. It completely shutout the fighting and tears.
With girls always plan on even numbers without even numbers someone is left out and however unintentionally it may be the “odd girl out” will feel as if there is something wrong with her. Save yourself ( and your daughter) the agony of trying it with three again.
Comment #3, posted by kate on May 21, 2010 at 10:05:47 PM
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